Archbishop of Sydney

Grandparents

By + Cardinal George Pell
Archbishop of Sydney
18/5/2008

I only knew one of my grandparents, but she had 12 grandchildren and my other grandmother had 28.  Today grandparents have few grandchildren and a single grandchild might have more than four living grand “parents” (because of divorce and remarriage).

A Chinese writer once observed that we like old things more than we like old people.  We’re happy to spend time visiting old buildings and collecting old furniture, but are not keen on spending time with old people, who are the loneliest and most neglected members of our society.

In April I attended a conference in Rome on the role of grandparents, and everywhere the situation is changing.  Humans are the only animals to spend one third of their life beyond child-bearing age.

For example, in the West we generally live 20 years longer than our ancestors.  This is a blessing, longed for in earlier times, which regarded long life as a sign of God’s blessing.  The pagan approach is to value youth and vitality, and hide the aged.

There’s more freedom than ever for women to pursue a career, but one upshot is delayed marriage and child birth.  This can shorten contact between grandchildren and grandparents by 10 to 20 years, but long life means great grandparents are more common.

On the other hand, grandparents are increasingly called on to mind the grandchildren while their parents are working, and its no longer as unusual as it once was for grandparents to find themselves bringing up their grandchildren following divorce, or after drugs or alcohol have taken their toll on parents.  This is wonderful work, but very hard.

Parental conflict sometimes prevents grandchildren knowing their grandparents.  This lack of contact can be like a crown of thorns and in the U.S.A. half the children have at least one set of divorced grandparents.

Of course many families love their grandparents deeply and the blessing of grandchildren transforms the lives of many grandparents, who love to see the young ones come (and then go).

Grandparents can offer important role models, either to reinforce the good example of parents or to make up for it when it is not all that it should be.  Sometimes they are the only teachers of faith and prayer.

They can be a sounding board for grandchildren at every stage of their development, and a refuge, especially providing an oasis for adolescents.  If kids can’t talk to their parents it is a big help to have a strong relationship with grandparents who can listen and sometimes be asked to explain.

Job mobility and migration have often dispersed extended families but the telephone, and now email, have balanced this a bit.

Grandparents can provide wonderful examples of serenity and courage as they battle old age and sickness, reminding children that no one lives forever.

Intergenerational solidarity only produces winners.